The Sweatpants Conspiracy

October 15, 2018

(I don’t believe I’m blogging about sweatpants. Sweatpants? Yes. Sweatpants.)

I’ve been working out pretty regularly this year in the gym that I put together out in our garage. Since the temps are cooling off now, I’m working out in long-sleeved shirts and sweatpants, not the usual shorts and t-shirt combo.

That, plus the fact that I work from home and tend to wear sweatpants on non-workout days, too, means I’m running out of clean sweatpants every week.

Time to shop!!

I went to Target this weekend, my home for sweatpants over the years. They always have the most basic sweatpants you can find — usually from Hanes or some basic brand — for $10 each. Can’t beat that. But this year, those no-frills sweatpants were nowhere to be found.

Instead, Target was trying to sell me sweatpants as a fashion statement! They had bedazzled sweatpants, sweatpants with extra zippers and designs and pockets and glitter. Some were $50 and up, and the cheapest were $17. Not a huge deal, but they were all ugly and not what I wanted.

Oh, and they weren’t called sweatpants. They’re now “joggers.” When did that happen?

So anyway, after our real estate team meeting today I kept looking. First to JCPenneys, then to Sears, then to Old Navy. Same story as with Target — lots of fashion, lots of overdone designs and not one of them had the basic, no-frills sweatpants I wanted!!! Oh, and they were all called “joggers” again. WTF??!!

I’m pretty sure the retailers and clothing makers got together and came up with a sweatpants conspiracy: No more $10 sweatpants with simple designs; just over-designed and over-priced “joggers” everywhere. I mean, look at the photo above from Old Navy: “Level up your fleece game with a sleek, modern fabrication….” How about NO? I don’t need a sleek, modern fabrication. I need some simple sweatpants!

I tried one more place today: Shopko. Found lots more “joggers” with too many pockets and patterns and stripes and zippers and $50 price tags, but I kept going through the men’s section. Finally, there they were on the back wall: basic, no-frills Gildan sweatpants! There was no price tag on them, but I was sure they weren’t gonna run $40 each.

At the register, they scanned at $9.99 each. BAM! I had three pairs with me, and the total bill came to $26.32. I asked the cashier if she’d given me some kind of discount, and she said she did because I’d been waiting in line too long. BAM! Persistence paid off and I side-stepped this awful fashion conspiracy. And now I have the last three pairs of basic sweatpants that were being sold in the United States.

(I don’t believe I just blogged about sweatpants….)

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