Washington’s Potential Political “Nightmare” Team

August 9, 2008
Washington Primary Voters' Guide

I know I’m supposed to appreciate and respect the fact that, in America, anyone can run for political office. That’s one of the basic freedoms we share, and one of the great things about our democratic system.

But … it also means you end up with some real freaking lunatics on the ballot when you’re still in the primaries.

You’ve heard of the “Dream Team,” right? Well, in Washington, we could end up with the “Nightmare Team.” Depending on how things go in this month’s primary and then in the general election, here’s a look at who might end up running the state for the next few years:


One candidate proposes to force Boeing to convert from aircraft production into a company that produces solar and wind power equipment. This same candidate also wants to ban single-occupant vehicles (except in places where there’s no public transportation).

Another candidate proposes helping the economy by encouraging construction of homes made of strawbale, wood, and clay. (Those homes would be cheaper, the candidate says, and we wouldn’t have such mortgage problems like we have now.)

Another candidate lists as his “elected experience” the fact that he’s served nine years on the board of directors of a national hotel chain.

That’s better than another candidate, whose sole elected experience is being voted Treasurer at his local Moose Lodge.

A fifth candidate lists as his significant career experience the fact that he’s created an “air engine” that can power cars, and will let us stop relying on fossil fuels while ending global warming.

And those are the more normal options. The winner of this competition is a candidate who:

  • believes that a pro-Israeli faction forced the U.S. to start the war in Iraq. The actual quote from his platform is: “AIPAC and other Jewish Zionist Lobbies who represent less than 2% of American People are using the United States through their mighty power in the News Media, Financial Institutions, Hollywood and Entertainment Industry, Both Political Parties, Congress and the White House as Proxy to wage war against any country perceived to be threat to Israel, like in Iraq.”
  • wants to amend the Constitution so that state governments, not Congress, vote on when we go to war

Superintendent of Schools

It’s possible that this office could be in the hands of a gentleman whose Candidate Statement begins with the exhortation, Viva Chavez! Yes, as in Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. He goes on to accuse the media of lying, and says “we’re at war with our own government” and with corporate America. Oh, and he calls Bill Gates a “software terrorist.”

U.S. Congress, District 4

This is my local district. One of the candidates believes an across-the-board 10% income tax will fund all levels of government. He wants the Federal, State, and Local governments to each receive 3.33% of that 10% tax … as if funding a military costs the same as cleaning up the park down the street from me.

Legislative District 16

One of the candidates lists “Poker pro” as his occupation.

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So there you have it. Should be an interesting primary, and with the way people on the other side of the mountains often vote, it could be an interesting general election, too!

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